Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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