I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
