The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
