Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Randomize
