Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
