im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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