FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
