Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
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