For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
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Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
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This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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