You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize