ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
