Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Someone came in the potted fern
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
