I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
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