Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
