My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
