so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
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