So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
