look no pants
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
