I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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