If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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