dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
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