I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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