i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
