can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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