My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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