I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
