Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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