There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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