My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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