If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
