I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
