What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
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