I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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