I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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