No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
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She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I have already put on my inside pants.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize