My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
