i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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