Taylor Swift is so right about you.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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