benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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