i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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