I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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