I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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