So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Randomize
