Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
