Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
just tell him i said nine months
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
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She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
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Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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