Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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