you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
