yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
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there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
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So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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