those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
