True but thats because hes a fetus.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
