I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
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And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
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You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize