This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
