so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
