he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
