I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
