I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize