it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I have aggressive nipples.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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