how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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