I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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