Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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