I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
