Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
