I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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