I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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