What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
