dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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