3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
