I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize