then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
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She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
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He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
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