my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
