ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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