remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize
