I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
